“Prince Charming’s Burden”: Why Fairytales Made Me Do P90X

Every girl in the class is going to hate me after this:

But first! Let me say that I love the feminist movement. It needs to work in the worst way. Both women and men have unbelievable pressure on them to look and act a certain way, and I’m sure Mina Loy is turning in her grave. In a socially equal society, maybe this pressure will be relieved, one can only hope. If for nothing else, I would prefer the social norms to change so that women start buying me drinks at the bar.

However, society and fairytales seem not be making any wholesale changes anytime soon. Therefore, there are a lot (not saying all) of women out there who will keep the mold of a “Prince Charming” as the guy they should be friendly with, date, and ultimately hunker down with.

Let me tell you how much this SUCKS for guys.

If a guy is to have a reasonable chance to get ANY girl, there is a lot of a Prince Charming criterion that needs to be filled. We’ve got to be able to make girls laugh and shave our man-beards cause they are “scratchy”. This is why we shop at J Crew (or at all). This is why we try not to yell at the TV during Celtics games. We suffer through MTV reality shows so we can go to parties and say, “Oh that Snookie, she’s such a (insert derogatory label here)!” We writhe in pain and watch P90X’s Tony Horton entertaining the thought of f***ing his own reflection so we can have bigger biceps (I’m on Day 2).

Not because WE like it, but because GIRLS like it, and that’s what a Prince Charming is supposed to be like. It’s part biological, but it's mostly society telling women that if he doesn’t have a Roth IRA and look like Team Jacob without his shirt, he’s not right. It goes both ways, guys everywhere are fruitlessly searching for their very own Heidi Klum. EITHER WAY, IT'S WRONG, but it’s how it is.

After about ten years of distance running, I can confidently say that most women do not gravitate to sarcastic, 135-pound guys that prance around in their underwear. Call me shallow, sexist, or cynical, but you have to agree there is a reason they call them “jersey chasers” and not “short-shorties”. Well, I'm retired now. So if you’ll excuse me, Tony Horton and I have to spend some “Ab-Ripper-X” quality time together.

T. Horton at his douchiest: