Seriously, what the %$&@.

Let me preface this post by noting that I have no intention of getting married any time soon. I enjoy watching bridal shows and occasionally flipping through wedding magazines, but I do NOT want to get married until I am at least 30 (I’m 21 now). Also, this is not because I think getting married early is stupid, a poor life choice, etc. Personally, I just don’t want to be married for another nine years.

With that being said, I had a moment this weekend that scared the crap outta me. I was at the Backer on Saturday night. For those of you who haven’t been to the Backer, read Bob Kessler extremely accurate description of the Backer here: http://www.thingsnotredamestudentslike.com/2009/06/26-either-loving-or-hating-backer.html. If you’re too lazy to copy and paste, Kessler, though an ardent supporter of the Backer, describes the contents on the floor as “5 parts beer, 3 parts sweat, 3 parts mud, 1 part vomit, and a dash of semen.” Basically, the Backer is the vilest bar in South Bend. The point of this whole digression was to explain that the Backer is the least romantic place in my opinion. Nonetheless, some people were having a bachelorette/engagement party on Saturday night. They brought along a bridal veil, and at some point in their drunken, sweaty debauchery, they left the veil on the counter. At this point, I thought the veil was perfectly harmless. However, I sound found out this was not the case.

After some time, my friends and I tried on the veil. I’m struggling to find the right words to describe how trying on the veil made me feel mainly because it made me feel like a princess and that makes me feel like a pathetic loser that buys into Disney’s garbage. To be completely honest, when I tried on the veil, I felt beautiful, magical, and powerful. I truly felt the strongest urge to get married, walk down the aisle, and have the whole world (e.g. my wedding guests) enjoy my extravagant fairy tale day. At that moment, the ONLY thing I wanted to do was get married. Seriously, what the %$&#?! How is it possible that a simple veil can literally shit on my plans regarding marriage? How is it possible that a silly game of trying on a veil can scare me into questioning whether I really want to wait until I am 30 to get married? How is it possible that a piece of fabric can change how I view myself? And, I know that sounds dramatic, but I truly feel like I'm having an existential crisis.

I never understood Bridezillas until I tried on that veil. I get it now. The wedding industry, fairy tales, matchmaking websites, etc. have truly permeated our subconscious and transformed us into people that are nearly unrecognizable to who we thought we were. As someone who is more realistic than optimistic, who has only once bought a Disney product (a Kermit the Frog shopping bag for my mom), who has no intention of getting married early, who does not want a huge fairy tale wedding, who believes relationships are built on communication and commitment, not solely undying passion and love at first sight, I got caught up in how magical my life would be if I could just get married and wear that beautiful white veil.

Seriously, what the %$&@.